🔬

Analyze your situation

Stop second-guessing yourself. Let science suffer for you.

What's the situation? 🧭

Pick the analysis type to calibrate the algorithm.

Identification

Analysis

Observations

Step 1 — Identify the Specimen 🔬

Select your gender so the algorithm can calibrate its emotional sensors correctly.

Your age: 25

💼 Standard Human Protocol (age 20–39)

👨 I'm a Guy 👩 I'm a Girl

Orientation

Answer tone

Relationship context

Who is this person to you? Sign weights adapt accordingly.

⬆️ Select your gender first

🔬

Calibrating emotional sensors…

🚧

404

Page Not Found

The algorithm searched for data covering this configuration.
It found: nothing.

Not for lack of trying.
We just built this on a Sunday evening.

Error ID: HETERONORMATIVE_ARCHITECTURE_EXCEPTION

Step 2 — Review the Evidence 🔎

One sign at a time. Answer honestly. Lying to an algorithm is a moral crime.*

✅ 0 ❌ 0

← No | Yes → · or swipe

📱 She leaves your messages on read for 12+ hours then replies with a single emoji. The emoji was 🙂. ●●● 😬 She cancelled plans with you. Her Instagram story showed her out that same night. Both happened. ●●● 🏷️ She referred to you as 'a friend' to someone else while you were literally standing right there. ●●● 📅 She is always vaguely busy when you suggest plans. The busy is suspiciously targeted at your suggestions. ●●● 💬 She replies to your paragraphs with 'haha yeah'. Every time. Without variation. The conversation dies. ●●○ 🔄 She turns every conversation about you into a conversation about herself within 2 exchanges. ●●○ 🤝 She gives you the dead-fish handshake energy hug. Every time. You have started counting. ●●○ 🏷️ She introduced you to someone as '[name], we know each other from [place].' And then turned away. ●●○ 👥 She is visibly animated and laughing with the person next to you. With you she maintains resting neutral face. ●●○ 👻 She said 'maybe' to your plan and then vanished from all communication for 5 days. Maybe was a no. ●●○ ❤️ She liked your post 3 days late. After liking 15 other posts that day. You were queued. ●○○ 😶 She mentioned how great she thinks someone else is. Twice. To you. Directly. ●○○ 🧠 She consistently forgets things you tell her. Things she would absolutely remember if she cared. ●○○

📱 He replies to your texts in an average of 4-6 hours. His phone is in his hand. You've seen it. ●●● 😬 He cancelled plans with you. He posted on his story that same evening. Both happened. In that order. ●●● 🏷️ He referred to you as 'just a friend' to someone else while you were standing right there. 'Just'. ●●● 📅 He is busy every time you suggest something. Specifically when you suggest something. Not otherwise. ●●● 💬 He gives very short answers to your questions. He uses full paragraphs with everyone else. You've tested this. ●●○ 📵 He never initiates contact. Not once. The entire weight of this relationship is on your side. Alone. ●●○ 🤗 He gives you the side-hug every single time. A deliberate, practiced side-hug. He has a system. ●●○ 🏷️ He introduced you to his friends as '[name], I know her from [place].' And immediately moved on. ●●○ 😤 He talks about other women he finds attractive in your presence. Either oblivious or it's a message. ●●○ 👻 He said 'sounds fun' to your plan and then forgot about it completely. Sounds fun was a goodbye. ●●○ ❤️ He likes your posts but always hours after everyone else. You are at the bottom of a priority list. ●○○ 💬 He replies to your paragraphs with 'haha' or 'yeah for sure'. Conversation terminated. Every time. ●○○ 📞 He has been 'meaning to' call you back for two weeks. The meaning is weak. The intention is absent. ●○○

Awaiting data. The algorithm is bored. 🥱

Step 3 — Additional Field Notes 🧫

Witnessed something our scientists couldn't anticipate? File a report below. The system will auto-assign a severity level. Your data is anonymous.*

E.g. "She held eye contact for 10 seconds, blinking exactly once"

*The law was not consulted. This is not a surveillance tool.