🔬

Analyze your situation

Stop second-guessing yourself. Let science suffer for you.

What's the situation? 🧭

Pick the analysis type to calibrate the algorithm.

Identification

Analysis

Observations

Step 1 — Identify the Specimen 🔬

Select your gender so the algorithm can calibrate its emotional sensors correctly.

Your age: 25

💼 Standard Human Protocol (age 20–39)

👨 I'm a Guy 👩 I'm a Girl

Orientation

Answer tone

Relationship context

Who is this person to you? Sign weights adapt accordingly.

⬆️ Select your gender first

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Calibrating emotional sensors…

🚧

404

Page Not Found

The algorithm searched for data covering this configuration.
It found: nothing.

Not for lack of trying.
We just built this on a Sunday evening.

Error ID: HETERONORMATIVE_ARCHITECTURE_EXCEPTION

Step 2 — Review the Evidence 🔎

One sign at a time. Answer honestly. Lying to an algorithm is a moral crime.*

✅ 0 ❌ 0

← No | Yes → · or swipe

😬 She called you 'bro'. Not as a slip. Intentionally. Repeatedly. ●●● 💘 She told you about her crush. In detail. And asked your opinion. ●●● 🏹 She asked you how to impress someone else. ●●● 🧭 She asked you to wingman her with someone else. ●●● 😇 She told you 'you're such a good friend'. ●●● 👋 She introduced you to her family or friends as 'my friend'. ●●● 📞 She only calls you when nobody else is available. ●●● 🪣 She unloads all her emotional baggage on you, never asks about yours. ●●○ 👥 You only ever hang out in groups. Never one-on-one. ●●○ 👕 She makes zero effort with her appearance when she knows she's seeing you. ●●○ 🗓️ She cancels your plans without guilt and offers no alternative. ●●○ 🤧 She punches your arm, ruffles your hair, treats you like a sibling. ●●○ 😶 She shows zero reaction when you mention other girls. ●○○ 📅 She talks about your future together — always framed as 'we'll be friends forever'. ●○○ 🚫 There is no voluntary physical contact from her side. Zero. ●○○

😬 He calls you 'bestie', 'sis', or 'my girl' — the friend-labelling has begun. ●●● 💘 He told you about a girl he likes. And asked what you think. ●●● 🏹 He asked you how to text his crush. ●●● 🧭 He asked you to help him get closer to another girl. ●●● 😇 He told you 'you're like the sister I never had'. ●●● 👋 He introduced you to his friends as 'my girl friend' — two words, not one. ●●● 📞 He texts you when his actual friends are busy. ●●● 🪣 You are his emotional support animal. He processes everything with you. You don't exist otherwise. ●●○ 👥 You only meet in groups. He has never suggested anything one-on-one. ●●○ 👁️ He has never once commented on your appearance. Not once. ●●○ 🗓️ He cancels with you more than he cancels with anyone else. ●●○ 🤧 His hugs are firmly in the 'shoulder bump' or 'back pat' zone. ●●○ 😶 He shows no reaction when you mention other guys. ●○○ 📅 He has made plans for your friendship 5 years from now. ●○○ 🚫 He never flirts with you. Not even as a joke. The energy is completely absent. ●○○

Awaiting data. The algorithm is bored. 🥱

Step 3 — Additional Field Notes 🧫

Witnessed something our scientists couldn't anticipate? File a report below. The system will auto-assign a severity level. Your data is anonymous.*

E.g. "She held eye contact for 10 seconds, blinking exactly once"

*The law was not consulted. This is not a surveillance tool.